Hellacious Halloween Hair & Haute Couture!

Introduction

Ok, folks—it’s time to kick off the holiday season with your Halloween getup.

This year we’re combining hair and our own “haute couture” for looks that no one will soon forget. But since we all want to save the really big bucks for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc., let’s talk about the maximum look for the minimum cash.

As I have in the past, I’ve come up with this year’s great CASPs (Cheap And Scary Picks) for you, guaranteed to make you the life or death of the party.

Here are my favorites. Please copy and enjoy! (Check out Jane's previous Halloween Hair article as well).

“Recently Deceased Fashion Model”

You’ll need the following: * Stiff hairspray * Feather boa (you can get these for peanuts in craft stores) * Clown white makeup (even grocery stores carry this in the kids’ costume section) * Green eyeshadow * Black eyeliner * Fake cobwebs (optional)—again, check the kids’ costume section for this * Whatever you’ve got in your closet that looks like ‘the little black dress’ * Torn stockings * Platform shoes * Lots and lots of wild, cheap jewelry Spray your hair until it’s sticky enough so you can shape it however/whatever way you want. You might go for a mashed-on-one-side look, but basically you want a wild look.

Apply the clown white makeup to your face, and any other exposed parts of your body. IMPORTANT: Before you apply the clown white, be sure you cream your face first. It will make taking it off afterward a whole lot easier! Brush or rub the green eye shadow over and under your eyes, also just under your cheekbones. Apply the black eyeliner all around your eyes, then wet a Q-Tip and smudge it to give you “raccoon eyes.” You can also use this to line and fill in your lips as well, if you like. If you go with the fake cobwebs, add them liberally to your hair and clothes. Put on the dress, torn stockings, and platforms, and smudge with dust if you like. Add the feather boa, and let it hang limply. Add lots of jewelry, and try not to smile.

"Urban Legend #67 – She Gave Birth to an Octopus!"

You’ll need the following: * A rubber octopus * A hospital johnny, tied in the back * A hospital hairnet * A red bungee cord * A receiving blanket (any color will do) * Large birth announcement card Put on the johnny (and if I were you, I’d be sure and have something on underneath!), and the hairnet—the idea is to look like you’re dressed to give birth. Attach the rubber octopus to the red bungee cord before you wrap it in the receiving blanket. Attach the other end of the bungee cord somewhere under the Johnny—this is your umbilical cord. As the final touch, attach the birth announcement to the receiving blanket, announcing the arrival of your new little bundle of tentacles. ”Miss America Un-Hopeful”

You’ll need the following: * Tinfoil crown (just cover a kid’s Burger King one with foil) * Homemade sash (name your state of choice) * Remember that horrible aqua polyester maid of honor gown at the back of your closet? Haul it out for its final performance, along with its dyed-to-match heels! * Rubber or latex gloves * Bouquet of red plastic roses wrapped around a “plumber’s helper” toilet plunger Pile your hair up as high as you can, and if your hair is short, gel it to make it as full as possible. Spray it with as much hairspray as you can, and top with the tinfoil crown. This is no time to be shy with the makeup. Use the works: foundation, eyebrow pencil, eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, glitter, rouge, lipstick and lipgloss. Practice your acceptance speech, and work on that royal wave for the crowds!

”Doctor Death”

You’ll need the following: * Scrubs * Jumper cables * Eye patch * Tool belt * Hammer * Chisel * Screwdriver * Handful of nails * Stapler * Tape measure * Pinking shears * Nametag Don the scrubs and the tool belt. Fill the tool belt with all the tools, and drape the jumper cables around your neck. Put the eye patch on, and make up an appropriate nametag.

”Blind Date”

You’ll need the following: * Old pair of Venetian blinds That’s it! Just fasten them together with a cord (or whatever) so that you can wear one in front, one in back. Use the cords to adjust for height, and away you go—the original Blind Date!

“West Nile Virus”

You’ll need the following: * Black eyeliner * Deep blue eyeshadow * Large gold necklace, earrings, bracelets—anything that looks at all Egyptian * Cleopatra wig (optional) * Cowboy hat * Plaid shirt * Jeans or denim skirt * Cowboy boots * Box of Kleenex

Paint up your eyes a la King Tut, don the cowboy clothes, and carry the Kleenex. (Get it?)

There you go, folks—hot off the runways of this year’s Halloween Most Horrible Fashion Show!

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