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Mary Murphy Shares Domestic Abuse History With Ellen Degeneres

Ellen explained that she met Mary Murphy when she was a guest judge on FOX TV's "So You Think You Can Dance."  Ellen showed a clip of Mary screaming and cheering over a group on the reality TV show.

Mary looked gorgeous with her hair worn in long, lush waves.

Ellen "What happened to your shoe.  I'm so excited to have you here."  Mary "I danced right out of my shoe.  Thank you. I'm really excited to be here.  Wow.  Your judgeship.  I had no idea."

Ellen "I know, just doing that one guest thing got the ball rolling and everybody. Those shows are all kinda connected.  I'm excited."

Mary "I'm excited too.  I think it's fantastic. I'm going to have so much fun watching American Idol this season."

Ellen "I didn't know this, a lot of people didn't know this.  On the cover of Us Weekly you're talking about how you survived and extremely abusive marriage for eight years.  Is that how long?"  Mary "Yeah, eight years."

Ellen "Wow, tell people the story because I know a little bit about it."  Mary "It was pretty difficult and it wasn't easy for me because I felt so ashamed.  And being college and everything else.  You just never know what goes on behind closed doors."

Ellen "How quickly?  Before you got married, was he fine?"

Mary calmy replied "Before we got married, sure, very charming.  You would never know.  You would love him if you met him.  And after we did get married it was like 'Boom' all of a sudden I just absolutely became somebody's possession.  And from that point on I couldn't really say hello to anyone, male or female for that matter.  And then all of a sudden the abuse started."

(Image of Mary Murphy, in the middle, on Fox TV's 'So You Think You Can Dance.' - All Rights Reserved)

Note: Mary's ex-husband's name has not been release although it is known he comes from a prominent Middle Eastern family.  Mary's husband, when contacted by the media, has denied any abuse ever occurred.  Mary divorced him when she discovered he had two other women in two other countries.

Ellen "Was it verbal?"  Mary "It was absolutely verbal at first.  When the first real physical fight occurred the police came to that.  I was in such disbelief because when this is happening to you and you love somebody it is so horrific because it's like having an out of body experience because this just can't be happening.  This is my knight in shining armor."

Mary started to cry and said "You just don't expect that."  Ellen handed Mary a tissue, touched her leg and said "What I think it is important to talk about is that there are a lot of educated woman that are and you say that you were scared that no one would believe you because he was so charming.  Meanwhile he was raping you, he was beating you and completely.  You were a prisoner. And couldn't get out.  How did you?"

Mary "Yes, yes, yes."  She continued "Even though he would leave and go back to his country for several months, people were always saying, well why didn't you leave then?  It's almost like there's an electric fence. I don't know how to describe this mentally.  An electric fence.  Like when you don't let your pet get out of the yard.  Even then.  No matter what distance they're at.  You can't escape it.  You're so fearful that when someone does get back that you are going to be tracked down and #1, where could I go?"

Mary discussed how her family reacted and said "The first my family, my parents saw this abuse.  We were actually fighting, driving in a car, where I was getting a beating and I even jumped out of that car at one point.  He dragged me back into the car.  I went to my parent's house.  My father and mother both saw the bruises on my face.  And I had locked him out of the house.  And I just desperately wanted my father, at this point, to just kick his ass.  Really, I just wanted him to beat him (my husband) up."

Instead, as she explained "And there response was 'oh let him back into the house.  You've got to make this marriage work.  You know, you're a married woman now'.  And after than I never turned to anybody.  Except a couple of dance partners that knew all that time (what was going on)."

Ellen "that just breaks my heart to hear that.  I think that happens with all kinds of abuse.  You go to your parents and you want them to be your person.  And they don't believe you."  Ellen was obviously very upset and her eyes started to mist.

Mary "I hit rock bottom early on after that happened.  I will let you know towards the end when my father was dying and I went back home to take care of him and I was able to have some resolve with him.  Because we talked about everything in my life and talked about this and crying, he finally apologized."

Ellen "And that's what you want.  You want them to get it.  And it comes a little late."

Mary "He finally got it. He did see all the success I've had and to see me dancing and happy you know, meant the world to him. And so I was really proud of that fact. And I'm so glad I got to have that time. Because I'm not so sure things would be the same if I couldn't have that resolve with him because anybody else didn't really matter."

Ellen "I think anybody who's had any type of abuse in their life when your parents don't believe you it is the hardest thing in the world and you are just waiting for one day for them to apologize and for them to say 'I'm sorry I didn't say I was sorry in the first place.'

She paused and said "I know, because it happened to me."

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