Banishing Bad Hair Days since 1997!™

JerkyFlea Goes To The TV, Turns It On, And Watches The Oscars!


Since the next official column doesn't go up until May, I'm beginning to get overloaded with new stuff. So, in an effort to save some space in the next volume (still gotta get used to calling it that) and since you probably won't even remember the Academy Awards by that time, I thought I'd give you something to tide you over until then. Try to control your excitement.

Anyway, I've gleaned (yes, gleaned) pictures from various sources and put aside my intense annoyance that "Shakespeare in Love" beat "Saving Private Ryan" (an inexcusable travesty, but I digress) and put this little article together for the fine folks at HairBoutique.

Before we get started, let me acknowledge TV Guide Online, Mr. Showbiz, Star Magazine, and Entertainment Asylum, since they all provided some of the pictures you see here. Visit 'em and tell 'em JerkyFlea sent ya. And they'll wonder who the heck you're talking about.

Anyway, on to the red carpet...or something like that...

RENEE ZELLWEGER provided the only real news of the Oscars, since she was the only star to show up with a major style change (Yeah, I know about Madonna. I'll get to her in a minute; be patient). Renee has hadc_redcarpet_18.jpg (7900 bytes) shoulder-length or below straight hair for a while now.

For the awards, she showed up with a new short style; yet another version of the ubiquitous tucked-behind-the-ears style.

of_reneezellweger.jpg (6267 bytes)There has been some debate on whether she actually cut it or it was simply pulled back into a bun, but I think the pictures make it pretty clear it's a cut. Since she was the only star with a new 'do, she's the only one that earns a...

FLEA'S CALL: I'm still debating on whether or not I like it.

True, it's nice to see Renee make a change, but the style makes her look a bit older and, unfortunately, a bit more matronly.

She should probably let it grow and style it a bit looser, but it's hard to tell since it was obviously heavily styled for the show. I'll go with a "wait and see" on this one.

wear4.gif (7990 bytes)MADONNA, in her tireless efforts to provide me with something to write about, arrived at the Oscars with a new auburn hair color and a rather unflattering style.

Not exactly sure why she suddenly chose to ditch the geisha look she had been working so hard to cultivate lately, but who am I to question the style whims of the Big M?

I'm JerkyFlea, of course, and that's why I'm saying that the color is fine, but the 50's housewife styling ain't all that great. I'm guessing she looks so ticked in the picture because someone in the crowd just called her "Mom". Last year's Best Supporting Actress (1997), KIM BASINGER, continues to let 990322ngct6a.jpg (2622 bytes)her hair grow out after the hair dye disaster that left her practically bald after "LA Confidential".

If you remember last year, she wore her hair in a very stylish sculpted flip.

Well, this year she went with a similar style...sort of. It was styled a bit looser, butof_kimbassinger2.jpg (3937 bytes) had the mother of all flips in the back.

I really don't think I've seen one that big since reruns of "That Girl!" on TV Land.

Overall, it wasn't bad, but she should have gone with a bit more length and just done the flip at the bottom so it wouldn't have looked quite so bizarre.

One of the most beautifully done stars at this year'slopeza.jpg (4667 bytes) award show was easily oa_jenniferlopez.jpg (17333 bytes)JENNIFER LOPEZ.

She wore her blonde streaked hair tightly pulled back in a perfectly styled bun, which was the perfect compliment to the strapless dress she wore.

This was the most glamorous and pulled together I've seen Jennifer look. Definitely a great evening for her.

gallery_image11.jpg (27381 bytes)To satisfy those of you out there that think I only compliment the young starlets in the crowd, I hereby submit for your approval Ms. KATHY BATES. Kathy also looked about the best I've seen her, not just for award shows, but in general. Her hair and makeup were perfectly done and both complimented her quite well.

In fact, this is probably the best I've ever seen Kathy's hair look. Normally you might say the style was slightly frumpy, but it doesn't come across that way on her at all. In my opinion, it actually make her look a bit younger. So there.

gallery_image05.jpg (33876 bytes)Hmmm, looks like I've been complimentary twice in a row. Well, to break that ugly trend let's take a look at last year's Best Actress, HELEN HUNT. Helen arrived in an impressive backless, bejewelled gown that, by all accounts, was beautiful, contemporary, and fashionable. To compliment the dress, she went with hair and makeup, that by most accounts, was very hip and very now. In my opinion, it was just very bad.

When I first saw her, I thought that she had just emerged from a driving rainstorm that had flattened her hair and smeared her eye makeup. But, silly me, it was supposed to look like that. I've always thought Helen needed bangs to offset her very high forehead, though she can pull of the one length look pretty well at times.

However, the addition of the hair extensions, the center part, and the stick straight styling was not the way to do it. Believe it or not, the picture shown makes her look much better than she actually did. If you saw the show, you know what I mean. Simply put, a bad style choice.

By many accounts, CATHERINE ZETA JONES was the fashion star of gallery_image18.jpg (43766 bytes)the evening. Looking spectacular in her redjones.jpg (28695 bytes)strapless gown, she recalled the luminous prescence she first displayed in the past summer's "The Mask of Zorro" (a great movie, if you haven't seen it). Her long, wavy, dark hair was pulled back loosely and simply.

The effect was that it framed her face and complimented her gown without obscuring or detracting from either one. Quite the showstopper.

Can you tell I was impressed? :) She, Jennifer Lopez and Geena Davis get my vote for the best dressed and best coiffed. And speaking of Geena...

davis.jpg (6081 bytes)GEENA DAVIS also looked the best I've ever seen her look at one of these events. Heck, even her dresses were elegant and normal (though that second silver, art-deco, see-though number was edging into Cher territory). She's finally wearing her hair darker again, after an ill-conceived extended foray into the world of blondeness.

She's also wearing it longer, which allowed her to pull it back into not only the very attractive French Twist shown, but also into the low bun she wore when she later changed into her other dress for the ceremonies. I never thought the short, blonde thing worked for her at all. For the first time in a while at one of the awards shows, Geena looked pretty spectacular. As I said above, a big thumbs up.

paltrow_g.jpg (5813 bytes)Speaking of well-done updos, Best Actress winner GWYNETH PALTROW had one of the better ones of the evening. Though the attraction of Gwyneth continues to be lost on me, I can give her credit for her very elegant and stylish look for the Oscars on a completely academic and subjective level (kind of a departure from the Catherine Zeta Jones review, huh?).

Her perfectly blonde hair was pulled back in a very smooth, tight bun that went ideally with her dress.

I'm not sure I've ever seen hair that perfectly parted and smoothed before; kudos to the stylist. Just another example of the fact that the updos were, for the most part, the best style choice of the night.

blanchett_k.jpg (27834 bytes)As long as I'm on Best Actress, let's talk about one of the other nominees (who I actually thought would win), CATE BLANCHETT. Cate's hair was, well, just sort of there. As you can see from the picture, she could wear the exact same style to go to the 7-11...or whatever the name of a chain of convenience stores would be in England.

Not that I have a problem with the natural look, but on a night when you are supposed to be dressed to the hilt (whatever that means), it just doesn't work.

I mean, compare her to any of the other women I've complimented thus far, even Gwyneth, and you'll see what I mean. I'm not saying her hair looked bad, just inappropriate. However, I will give her points on the dress. Normally, I don't notice these things but the back was extremely cool; the birds and vines looked like they were painted directly on her.

Another star that has been having a bad hair day for about the last year is oa_hollyhunter.jpg (14623 bytes)HOLLY HUNTER. Ever since she cut hair very long hair a while ago, it's been getting progressively shorter in length and progressively worse in style. I reported on this in a recent column and was hoping that the next time I saw Holly, she would have rectified the situation, or at least modified it.

Unfortunately, it appears that she has just amplified it. I believe it actually looks worse than it did before. The layered, pseudo-bowl cut just isn't working. My only hope is that she had to do it for a movie and can do something, anything, else soon.

The LIV TYLER hair-growth watch continues and it appears to be growing tyler_l.jpg (26009 bytes)at some miraculous rate. In late January at the Sundance Film Festival, it was still about a chin gallery_image10.jpg (25336 bytes)length bob. By the Oscars, it had grown enough that she could once again pull it back, giving her a very cute style. For the next column I have a picture of her at the premiere of her new movie, "Cookie's Fortune" and it's touching her shoulders. That's at least 3 inches in 3 months! Darn impressive, wouldn't you say? But I digress.

Anyway, back to the her Oscars style. The side part and side-swept bangs were very complimentary, reinforcing my opinion that Liv really looks better without bangs. Also, the look went very well with her strapless gray (silver?) dress. Overall, Liv looked quite stunning. Sure, her only function at the ceremony was to introduce her dad and his band, but who's complaining? :)

barrymore_lg.jpg (6241 bytes)And finally before getting to the Short Stuff, we come to DREW BARRYMORE. Drew wore her shoulder length blonde locks down in a loose ringlet style.

The rather disheveled look was typical Drew, but not exactly appropriate for the glamour parade that the Oscars are.

If you look at her dress and some of990322ngct2a.jpg (20643 bytes) the other stars pictured here, you can guess what a dramatic difference an updo would have made. I'm going to cut Drew some slack here for a couple of reasons.

First, she had just hosted "Saturday Night Live" in NY the evening before and thus had to fly all day to get back to LA for the awards. Second, she's just so darn cute. Most of the slack would be due to the second reason. :)

Short Stuff

The evening's war of the divas was essentially a draw. MARIAH CAREY's mane was well styled and was one of the few that looked good down, but her dress looked like it had been shrunk in the dryer and not ironed. Could even modify an old saying to "I was all over it like Mariah Carey's dress". Or maybe not.

WHITNEY HOUSTON, on the other hand, had a great dress, but her hair looked as if she was late for a performance at The Cotton Club and didn't have a chance to dry it. As for that pseudo-diva, CELINE DION, same unattractive stick straight extension she had at the Grammys. However, the biggest question was, "What's the deal with that hat?" v A couple of others that went with the hair down, stick straight trend, but were pretty much able to pull it off were the spouses of the guys who got ripped off for Best Picture: Mrs. Tom Hanks, RITA WILSON and Mrs. Steven Speilberg, KATE CAPSHAW.

Kate actually wore it better than Rita, mainly because Kate's hair is only about shoulder length and so it didn't conflict with her outfit and looked more styled. Rita was suffering somewhat from the "Maria Shriver Syndrome": Beautiful hair, but overwhelming at times v In a stunning turn of events, GOLDIE HAWN wore the exact same hairstyle she has had for the past 20 years. I shouldn't be too hard on her though, because I actually do like her hair and it works for her. Heck, it's her trademark; she's virtually unrecognizable when she pulls her bangs back from her face.

Was it just me, or did CHRISTINA RICCI look kinda scary with her jet black bob? I didn't realize how much going blonde in "The Opposite of Sex" softened her look until I saw that v Kudos to a few other actresses that I normally don't report on often or at all, but deserver mention: MERYL STREEP looked stylish with her bob (though I prefer her longer and blonder), ANNETTE BENING toned down the electroshock look from The Golden Globes to a sleek, layered, bob style that looked great, and JUDI DENCH showed how a short crop should look v

And finally, I want to recognize JANINE TURNER. Yup, Maggie from "Nothern Exposure". Though I never saw her and couldn't find any pictures of her, reports I've read say that she looked spectacular and was actually one of, if not the, best dressed and coifed there. I would have liked to have seen her, especially since I have an update on her in the next column. Consider that a teaser. :)

As usual, JerkyFlea

Love the column? Hate the column? Always wondered why they call it a column?

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Finally, are you the star mentioned in the column? Did you like or loathe what I said? And why the heck are you reading this instead of out being famous or something?

Drop me a line. Let me have my brush with greatness and I’ll air your side!

"Shout at the Flea" [email protected]

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Original Publication Date: 1998 - Revised Publication Date: 01/28/10

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