JerkyFlea: November 1999

JerkyFlea: November 1999
Author: JerkyFlea

Date: November 1999
Fleamail

First, I received a few letters regarding SHERILYN FENN's bangs and eyebrows...

Ladies, what do I have to do, go over to the salon with you in person and monitor your haircuts to prevent any stupid decisions? Bangs are wonderful, just keep them within orbiting distance of the eyebrows.  Sherilyn, I don't know how else to say this: you looked hot without bangs.  Now, you look, well, annoying. Nuff said.
-Andy S.

I could not agree with you more on the horrible "thin eyebrow" syndrome, and I'm glad the trend appears to be subsiding. case-in-point: Sherilyn Fenn. As you mentioned, she need do nothing to her already nicely arched brows, other than steer clear of tweezers. I believe that once her bangs have grown outa bit, they will look lovely on her.
-Siliva F.

She is so pretty, and that has always been the thing I notice about her is how great her eyebrows are - quit over plucking! the hair is not to be believed. it looks like an 80's Sassoon cut - yuck.
- Peggy R.

I responded to Peggy:  

Part of what gave her sort of a "classic" beauty was her eyebrows. They were perfect. I just don't understand why she did it because it took a lot of the character out of her face. Another person who has tweezed the heck out of her eyebrows, but you probably haven't noticed, is JULIANNA MARGUILES. 
Then
Now

They look rather "normal" now, but if you go back and look at some earlier "ER" episodes or promo pics, you'll see that she actually has terrific full brows. I don't know why she's gone so much thinner. Same goes for RENA SOFER (if you have any idea who that is).

Then
Now
To which Peggy responded: 
That's a good word for Sherilyn Fenn's eyebrows - classic. I always thought she looked like a young Elizabeth Taylor cause her eyebrows were really cool. Yeah I have noticed that Julianna Margulies' eyebrows are thinner. I think it opens her face more and looks really good, but I do remember them thicker. She's just pretty no matter what, you know? =) no I don't know who Rena Sofer is. is she an actress? I've probably seen her and just didn't know her name. While we're on the eyebrow subject, Alyssa Milano looks SO much better with more eyebrows. And I love Pamela Anderson Lee, but I wish she would fill hers in too. I'm a real eyebrow freak as you probably can tell. Who else do you know that can go on and on about eyebrows? Don't answer that. LOL
- Peggy R.
Actually, I was wondering what other woman would admit to being a Pamela Lee fan. J
vvv

I had a few folks disagreed with my assessment of LAUREN HOLLY's abundant blonde locks...

Lauren Holly's long blond hair looks absolutely awful. I don't know if I've ever seen a worse haircut on anyone, and it is certainly the worst I've seen on her. Talk about the hair wearing her, rather than the other way around. And you say it makes her look ten years younger? I think it makes her look like "mutton dressed as lamb." A thirtysomething fading beauty going through a poorly tressed mid-life crisis.
- David M.

Usually you're right on track but I must say that I disagree with your call on Lauren Holly. I caught a glimpse of her on the other "ER" and, I don't know if it's the shade of blonde she's chosen or the fact she's been to one tanning session too many, but she looks older than usual. I think a more realistic shade would be more flattering. Of course, it is your column...

-Shannon M.

Here we go again. Here's the thing: I just don't think long, straight, parted-in-the-middle hair looks great on anyone, whether you're Marsha Brady or a doctor on Chicago Hope. It seems to be screaming, "cut me! cut me!" (can anyone else hear that?) At least temper the middle part with some layers, or something. I actually thought Lauren looked very sexy with short hair, and especially as a redhead.
-Andy S.

So, I have three people who disagree with me about Lauren, with two even saying it makes her look older. I may have to check out another episode of "Chicago Hope" to reassess. FYI, she is a natural blonde, just not that light. It may be better if she toned it down a bit, since it would appear more natural. Maybe my judgement is just clouded because I was amazed how different she looked and just the sheer amount of hair that seemed to appear seemingly overnight. Let's see what I think in a few more months.

And I'm still working on that "mutton dressed as lamb" analogy.

vvv

A quick comment on HALLE BERRY:

If you'd bothered to ask, I knew Halle was just biding her time to the next crop... Apparently you missed the 1996 article where she says "I will always have short hair." Personally I think it's one honey of a signature style. 
- Rich S.
What?  I have to ask now? J  

Anyway, it doesn't surprise me, since she commented on what a pain it was to grow out.  I just can't believe she went ahead and lopped it back off after going to that much trouble. Especially since longer hair looks terrific on her.  Ever see her with the really long wig in the movie "The Program"?  Not only is she stunning, it reaffirms that she really can wear any hairstyle.

vvv

Several emails relating to the female cast of "Friends" (and particularly the new Mrs. Arquette):

I have four words for Jennifer (Aniston)'s hair at the Emmy's. "What were you thinking?" Actually what I think I said to myself was "Oh my God what is that on her head?"
- Peggy R.
 
 
 

Things I was pondering this morning after my Thursday night Friends viewing is 1) Why does it seem mandatory that the entire female cast of that show have the same hairstyle as Jennifer Anniston? Courtney Cox looks like Morticia Adams with that hairdo, although Lisa Kudrow looks pretty good with it. It really doesn't even do much for Jennifer, although she couldn't keep the Rachel shag forever 2) How did a show that used to have great, flattering hairstyles end up looking like a Brady Bunch Rerun?

Is it some kind of punishment for the Rachel craze? 
-Kathleen C.

Courtney Cox is a good (but rare) example of someone whose hair itself looks really good, but for some reason it doesn't look "right" on her. I too think she looks best with long hair "but just not this hair" as you aptly put it. I think she needs to at least move the part to the side, and I wonder if it might look better as it gets longer. -Dave D.

The person I really want to talk about is Courteney Cox, er, Courteney Cox Arquette. I remember reading in one of your earlier articles that CCA likes long hair but her stylist keeps trying to cut it off. Well, no wonder. Have you seen her lately? That is the worst case of non-style currently displayed in a top ten TV show. I mean what's the point of growing it out if all you're going to do with it is wash it (and even that is suspect), and then let it hang limp? I'm beginning to think Courteney is unsalvageable. How can a woman have bad hair for, what, four years now? And it's only getting worse.  For about six months on the show, somewhere around the second or third season, Courteney had beautiful hair. Parted in the middle, a bit of body, tucked behind the ears and falling to her shoulders. She made Jennifer and Lisa look slovenly. Why can't she do that again? In fact, all three women are suffering from serious lack of hair-flair if you ask me.
-David M.

I pretty much agree with everyone on the assessment of Courtney's 'do.  She's killing me. I love Courtney with long hair, just not THIS long hair. As Mrs. Flea and Kathleen pointed out, she looks like Morticia Adams (and now you won't be able to look at her without thinking that). There was a brief period last year, while she was growing it out, where she moved the part to the side and let it go wavy. It wasn't great, but looked significantly better than this. I have no idea what her plan is.

Oh, and another thing I don't get. I understand they are using a wig on Lisa Kudrow to slowly allow her to shorten her hair to where it is in real life (just to her shoulders), but with the wig, she, Jennifer, and Courtney all have the exact same hair. And to make it worse, Lisa's wig looks better than Jennifer and Courtney's REAL hair most of the time.  I mean, what's up with that?

vvv

And finally, let's end this month with my favorite subject, me.  Dan writes about last month's column:

Flea,

The latest column is, IMHO, your best yet. The writing is an absolute HOOT!

And your description or Tori Spelling as a fish..... I was WRITHING with laughter!

Thank you for such a delightful, refreshing and thoroughly opinionated take on something so utterly unimportant... yet so intensely interesting. 
- Dan

Thanks for the ego boost, Dan.  Good to know that I'm filling a vital, yet otherwise meaningless, need. J
vvv

Want to tell me how much you love the column?  OK, how about hate?  Have comment on something I wrote?  Just want to see if you are up to the challenge of writing something that will pass the rigid Fleamail screening process and make it into the next column?  

Drop me a line at JerkyFlea@HairBoutique.com. 

Sherilyn Fenn pictures courtesy Orange County Magazine and Movieline, Rena Sofer "Now" picture courtesy Hollywood.Com, Lauren Holly pictures courtesy Reuters, TV Guide, and E!, Halle Berry picture courtesy Entertainment Tonight, Jennifer Aniston Emmy picture courtesy UltimateTV, 

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