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JerkyFlea: December 1999 |
| Author: JerkyFlea |
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Date: December 1999 |
The
Latest
It's been a weirdly slow month or so for any big
hair news and finding good photos of some of the more interesting stuff
has been daunting, to say the least. Anyway, I'll begin in earnest
with finally debunking a bit of confusion regarding on of the queens of
long hair, JANE SEYMOUR.
There have been a few pictures floating around showing Jane with a layered
crop with short, spikey bangs. Most places I've seen the picture,
it accompanied with helpful phrases such as "Shorn at last" (quoting from
EOnline.com).
Quite a story that would have been...if any of it were true. Had
any of the photogs or those reprinting the photo taken two seconds to check
it out, they would have discovered it was a wig. Heck, all you had
to do was buy a "People" which had a quote
from Jane in which she said she wore the wig to do something different
without making a change. I won't even get into the fact that it just
plain looks like a wig (I mean, look at those semi-pincurls in front of
the ear. Where have you seen that in the last 20 years except on
a wig or your aunt...or both?).
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The Wig |
The Mane |
FLEA'S
CALL: Well, other than an example of
how not to panic needlessly, what can we learn from this little experience?
The primary thing we can draw from it is that if Jane ever does decide
to go short, this is one hairstyle she can mark off of the list of possibles.
Then again, who flips through the Eva Gabor catalog looking ideas?
And for those of you still harboring some worry over this silliness, Jane
looks great with long hair and given comments she's made in the past about
it, I doubt she'll be cutting it. Heck, she was even asked about
it in an online interview on TVGuide
Online on May 20 of this year...
Q: Have you
ever had short hair? I love your hair.
A: I cut all my hair
off when I was 13 because the children at school teased me. I wanted it
to flip like Jackie Kennedy's but it flopped. My hair has been below my
backside but now it is to the middle of my back. I often wear wigs for
movies and I look good in short hair (Flea jumping in here: Hey Jane, let's
not get carried away...). My husband likes long hair and I find it easier.
With long hair you don't need to do too much.
So now that we've put that to bed, let's move on to
Crystal Gayle's big upcoming haircut. Kidding, I'm kidding...
vvv
If you know who ROSE
MCGOWAN is, it's probably from one of two things: 1)
Her role as the big brea...uh...well-endowed blonde who is crushed in the
garage door in "Scream" or 2) as the future
bride of everyone's favorite discount anti-Christ, Marilyn Manson.
Well, not only is she no longer blonde, but she has continued to let her
hair grow to where it's not just noticeably long, but it's approaching waist-length.
These things just sort of sneak up on you when you're not paying attention,
ya know?
 
FLEA'S
CALL: Despite the fact that Rose falls
into the "Actresses Whose Appeal Is Lost On Me" Club (of which Claire Danes
is the charter member), I can appreciate the fact that her thick, naturally
wavy hair is quite attractive. I just wish it was on someone else.
What will be more interesting is to see if having her hair that long impacts
her in future casting decisions and/or if she ends up cutting it for that
reason. Stay tuned, kids...
vvv
Here's one I'm a bit late on: JAMIE
LUNER, Ally Walker's replacement on NBC's "The
Profiler". Since I hadn't been watching her on "Melrose
Place", the fact that she adopted a new 'do when going to the new
show didn't become apparent to me until just recently. I'm slow,
what can I say? Anyway, in what I assume is an attempt to shed her
MP image and look a bit more serious, she snipped off a good 6 to 8 inches
of her red locks, resulting in a shoulder skimming, long-layered shag.
To me, the most ironic part of this is that Ally Walker had been letting
her hair get longer and wilder over the past season. Go figure.
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Before |
After |
FLEA'S
CALL: This is one of those situations where
I have to evaluate the hairstyle decision in context. As I said above,
the context in this case is that her role is that of an FBI profiler.
Given that restriction, I think this was an excellent choice for her.
It's still quite flattering and reflect the professional image the role
requires. As much as I love Ally Walker's hair, the mass of flowing
blonde waves she was wearing by the time she left the show was just short
of ridiculous considering who she was portraying. Not that it kept
her off of the "Best Hair On TV" list, though. Double-standard?
What double-standard? J
vvv
MARIE OSMOND
used to be a little bit country and now she's a little bit talk-show hosty,
joining brother Donny in the kinda still new "Donny
& Marie Show". The new show is exactly like the old show,
except there are no costumes, skits, singing, or ice skating (yup, they
had ice skating) and more celebrity interviews. I'm sure you can
see the similarities. Anyway, over the years, Marie has had a variety
of hairstyles ranging from the Loretta Lynn big country hair, the Dorothy
Hamill wedge, the poodle perm, and the flowing and teased '80s mane.
Hey, she's nothing if not trendy. Anyway, since her new talk show
began, her hair, which started out a bit below her shoulders, has gotten
progressively shorter until it reached it's current and recently trimmed
length of a couple of inches below her chin. The new style is a cross
between a longish version of the tucked style and a short to medium-length
shag (which, I guess, are practically the same thing).
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Before |
After |
FLEA'S
CALL: I think for the
first time in a while, Marie has nailed a style that is perfect for her
(though you can't necessarily judge it by this particular photo).
The longer, bigger 'dos she has wore in recent years (up to and including
the one shown in the "before" picture), never quite looked right.
There was just something slightly unnatural about them that made them appear,
at best, matronly, or , at worst, wig-like. This current look is
not only flattering, but it looks natural. Though quality-wise, Marie
continues to have terrific hair, I think that style-wise, her days of being
able to pull-off long hair are behind her. Those of you out there
who still have fond memories of your "Donny
& Marie" lunchbox suddenly feel REALLY
old, don't ya?
vvv
Speaking of icons of the '70s (and a few years after,
for that matter), I have a bit of news on OLIVIA
NEWTON JOHN. Yes, the woman who brought you "Xanadu"
and the headband craze of the early '80s, has gotten a new 'do. After
several years of wearing a neck-length, angled, layered bob in only slightly
varying forms, has snipped it off into a choppy, longish crop that retains
some length at the nape. Though I haven't heard for sure, I believe
it is for a role in the movie she is currently filming, since she did it
almost immediately after her tour ended this summer (during which she sported
her well-known bob).
 
Before
 
After
FLEA'S
CALL: Oh, where to begin.
I'm not sure if hacked, messy look simply doesn't work for Olivia or if
she just got this haircut free with a fill-up. We know, of course,
that she can wear short hair based on evidence from her "Physical" days
(kids, ask your parents), but this is just bad. Not only that, but
what's with the dark roots? I guess when you get your hair done at
the local Texaco after topping off the tank with unleaded, it's tough to
get them to touch up your color. Unless, of course, you pay extra
and use the Full Service island.
Jane Seymour picture courtesy
EOnline, Rose McGowan pictures coutesy
Hollywood.Com and TVGuide
Online, Jamie Luner pictures courtesy Hollywood.Com,
Marie Osmond pictures courtesy "The
Donny & Marie Show" and Hollywood.Com,
Olivia Newton John pictures courtesy Only
Olivia and EOnline
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