JerkyFlea: December 1999

JerkyFlea: December 1999

Author: JerkyFlea

Date: December 1999

There's a saying about missing a deadline in software development.  It says that, in a month or so, no one will remember if the software was a week late, but they will remember if it worked or not.  Ok, maybe that's not an actual saying, but darn it, it should be.  Anyway, what I'm getting at is that a week from now, you won't remember that the column didn't come out on time, but you would remember if it sucked.

Which, hopefully, it doesn't.

Some pretty good stuff this month.  Got some good updates, some photos of some news making changes, and even get to debunk a rumor.  Not too bad.  Also, you get to finally hear the last report on Bai Ling for a while, since, thanks to a reader, I have an article (much like the Joely Fisher one last month) to put a nice epilogue on her story.  And, hopefully the contest this time will be as challenging as last month.  Glad I was finally able to make y'all work for one.  Heh heh.

Oh, and the Did Ya Know? is a bit more educational than usual this month.  I think you'll like it. 

So, as those great entertainers, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck once sang, "On with the show, this is it!".  Man, that's hokey.  Sorry about that.  Pretend I didn't write it.  Here, I'll distract you with these shiny new Updates... 
 


Updates

With great excitement last month, I reported that HELEN HUNT had finally gotten bangs.  I had no photo at the time, but the brief glimpse I had caught of her, they (the bangs) appeared to be the long wispy kind that she could style back if she so desired.  Not sure why she desires to do that, given her high forehead that I've mentioned before, but continuing that discussion would just be taunting the ASPCA to come after me for deceased equine abuse.
 

Old Bangs
No Bangs
Current Bangs

FLEA'S CALL:   When I reported this last month, I not only praised the move, but actually said that "they make a tremendous positive difference".  Well, I finally found a picture showing them and from the photo, I would be hard pressed to completely back up that statement.  Geez, would it kill a celebrity to get their hair done so that it DOESN'T look like they did it themselves with the windows down in the limo on the way over to the event?   Anyway, I still think it was the right thing to do and now I just have wait for a better picture to prove me right. 

vvv

I have an update on the costar of the new Arnie flick, "End of Days", ROBIN TUNNEY.  I can hear you asking now, "Update?  When the heck did you report on her to be able to do an update?".  Well, those of you asking that question are probably not amongst the longtime Celebrity Hair Spay faithful, since the last time I talked about Robin was prior to my moving to my snazzy new digs here at The Hair Boutique.  Back then, I was surprised to report that Robin had once again gotten shorn for her movie "Supernova" after growing her hair back to below her shoulders after the self-shaving she inflicted upon herself in "Empire Records".  Well, it's been about a year since since that report and Robin has once again let her locks re-sprout.  At the "End of Days" premiere, she arrived with a head full of curls in a layered cut that reached almost to her shoulders.
 

The previous crop
The current 'do

FLEA'S CALL:   If you catch "End of Days", or even just the previews, you can see that Robin's hair was in an awkward growing out phase after the "Supernova" cut.  Fortunately, she has continued to let it grow and it looks terrific.  I love the style, the curls, the length, everything.  It's exceptionally complimentary to her and makes her look very fresh (no, I don't know why it make her look "fresh", but it does and I bet you were nodding agreement with absolutely no idea why either).  Though I like Robin's hair longer, this is an excellent alternative.  However, I believe that Robin has entered that phase of her career where she's willing to do about anything she is asked to her appearance for a role, so I'm not getting to attached to it.  Darn it.

vvv

As I said last month, every once in a while, I get to fantasize to myself that some celebrity I have berated over a horrendous style decision has somehow gotten word of my scathing remarks, been devastated by such a harsh, yet fair assessment of their follicular transgression, and vowed to rectify whatever egregious crime they have committed against their locks.  Yeah, I know that never happens, but am I sending you email saying that your Brad Pitt or Catherine Zeta-Jones fantasy is as likely to work out as a Pauley Shore Senate bid?  Didn't think so.  Anyway, this month's object of my delusion in SHERILYN FENN.  After complaining for a couple of months about her ultra-short bangs and over-plucked eyebrows, it appears that she has managed to avoid the shears long enough for her bangs to not only reach her brows, but grow an inch or so below.
 

Then
Now

FLEA'S CALL:   I could pretty much sum this up with, "I told ya so."  Don't get me wrong, I never said that Sherilyn shouldn't have bangs, just not ones that looked like they did when she was 6 and her mom cut them.  Short bangs aren't bad, they just aren't for her.  Sherilyn looks best with longer bangs or no bangs and, since they have gotten so long that she is having to sweep them to the side, my guess is that she is headed for the no-bang look again.  And, it's a happy little ego boost here in JerkyFleaLand. J

vvv

At almost the other extreme from the aforementioned scenario would be the celebrity makes a change, realizes it was bad, and then hides it so convincingly that I begin to wonder if they actually screwed up in the first place.  And, as any good sidekick in a '50s western would say, that just chaps my hide.  The current subject of my ire in this category would be RENEE ZELLWEGER.  She cut her hair into a version of the ubiquitous tucked style back in April and arrived at the Oscars with the new 'do, much to everyone's surprise.  However, in recent months, she has appeared in "The Bachelor" with a massive amount of curls and in interviews with her previously well known straight style falling about 6 inches below her shoulders. 
 

At the Oscars
In "The Bachelor"
At the premiere for the same

FLEA'S CALL:  That she wore a wig for "The Bachelor" is a given, however, her current look bugs me.  Sure, in these days of extensions, anyone can have long hair overnight.  And, given the standard rate of growth of a half inch a month, the longest her hair could be is chin length in front and the top of her shoulders in back.  However, I do have to give her a tremendous amount of credit for not just getting extensions, but having them styled in a way that is virtually identical to what her hair looked like before it was cut.  Sure, it causes some confusion, but if you hadn't seen Renee in a year, you would have no idea anything ever happened.  Oh, and the style is about the best she could do with her hair texture and remain faithful to the annoying stick straight, center parted look.

Helen Hunt  pictures courtesy Hollywood.Com and Reuters, Robin Tunney picture courtesy Reuters, Sherilyn Fenn pictures courtesy Movieline Magazine and Reuters, Renee Zellweger pictures courtesy Mr. Showbiz and Reuters

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