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Waxing Weary of Whining |
| Author: The Short Hair Diva |
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Date: May 2002 |
The
Mystery Is Solved - The Diva Is Alive & Well & In The South Of
France
One of our favorite columnists is the wildly
mysterious Short Hair Diva. HairBoutique's last sighting of the Diva
was exactly one year ago when she was spotted decked out in a fabulous
set of jewels gliding into a gorgeous white stretch limo on the arm of
the Count of MegaRiches. We called, we wrote and we sent handsome
messenger boys to beg the Diva to send one of her famous Short Hair
Columns. All seemed lost. We feared we had lost her forever to
the hedonistic pleasures of the South of France.
Just when we had finally given up that the Diva was
gone for good, we received a tastefully gift wrapped magnum of Dom
Perignon champagne. Draped around the top of the bottle was a
gorgeous piece of parchment paper with a brand new column from The
Diva. Dom Perignon - of course - the Diva ONLY drinks the
best.
Dear Diva, thank you wherever you are!
Waxing Weary of Whining
Darlings, I am weary of
all the complaints I am hearing from some of you new shorthairs.
‘Why do I have to have trims so often?’ ‘Why won’t my new
short haircut look like <insert your current favorite model, film
star, daytime TV queen, whatever here>?’ ‘How come I have to
maintain this style now? When my hair was long I didn’t even worry
about trims!’ and my number one gripe: ‘Everyone says that this
new haircut calls more attention to my face, and now I have to wear
makeup!’ Further whingings and whinings are more general; ‘My
skin’s getting so blotchy and faded, but after all, I’m getting
older—I can’t do anything about it.’ ‘I just don’t feel
pretty anymore,’ and so on.
Ladies, suck it up and get on with your lives! I mean, really—beauty does not come without
sacrifice, you know! There are about 1% of the world’s women who can
roll out of bed, ruffle their charmingly sleep-tousled curls, and look
fabulous before coffee (yours truly is NOT one of them). The rest of
us poor slobs have to perform minor magic to look gorgeous on a daily
basis. Once you get your routine down, you’ll find it won’t take
you much longer than making a pot of coffee.
I have compiled 10 of my favorite (and most effective) tips for
looking good at every age. Enjoy!
TIPS:
1.
Get enough sleep! Nothing, and I mean nothing, ages you like
constant lack of sleep. Unless you’re into that
one-foot-in-the-grave Gothic look, go to bed at a reasonable hour, and
tape the midnight episode of the X-Files.
2.
Get to know and love your makeup counter. If you are under 18,
you may not need makeup, but the rest of us can all benefit from some.
There are many excellent lines out there, and I encourage you to see a
professional at least once a year to update your look. (Is there
anything sadder than a woman stuck in an era? Ditch the hip huggers
and flower child tie-dye and get into the 2000s!)
3.
Eyebrows—keep them trimmed. Enough said?
4.
Along with age comes another fun fact—everything gets hairier
and closer to the ground. Invest in a good magnifying mirror, and some
of those great Swiss tweezers. At least once a week, go over your face
in good light and pluck those random straggling facial hairs. Bleach
isn’t always a good alternative for that annoying little Fu Manchu
we are all starting to get on our upper lips; in the bright sunlight
it looks as though you have a mustard mustache from a noontime hotdog.
5.
Find a hairstylist you like and trust, and see her/him
regularly. In order to maintain a great style you should get a trim
every 4-6 weeks, depending on how fast your hair grows. When your
short hair cut loses its shape, your overall appearance looks unkempt.
6.
Jewelry is perhaps the Diva’s greatest passion. Since your
hair is short now, you can bedeck your ears and neck with all kinds of
earrings, necklaces, chokers, collars, and pendants! Have a ball, mix
gold and silver, pile on the chains, dust off all those earrings your
long hair hid and go wild!
7.
Get a good skincare routine going and stick with it. I’m talking about a morning and night regiment that
cleans your face and neck without depleting the essential oils, and a
good moisturizer to wear to bed, and one to wear under your makeup.
Always, always, ALWAYS wear sunscreen on face and neck, ears, hands
and arms! Depending on your age and skin type, you may also want to
check out eye area treatments, too. Your skincare need not be
expensive to be effective. Do your homework before shopping, and
don’t let a slick salesman talk you into a half-ounce jar of creamed
bat guano that they guarantee will take years off your face!
8.
Test out the hair care products that will make your hair look
good. As with skincare and makeup, just because a product is expensive
doesn’t necessarily mean it’s better than something cheaper.
9.
Always check out your ‘do not only from the front, but the
sides and back as well. You are a three-dimensional person, and others
see you that way. So if your teased-up and shellacked 8” bangs look
pretty foxy from the front, chances are they’ll look pretty strange
from the side!
10.
While we’re on the subject of great self-care, remember that
your hands are always on display as well as your face and hair. You
don’t have to spend a lot on polishes and acrylic nails to keep your
nails looking nice; just spend about 15 minutes once a week filing
your nails, soaking your cuticles and gently pushing them back,
buffing the nails, and following up with a good hand lotion. In fact,
every time you wash your hands, it’s a good idea to get into the
habit of applying hand lotion.
…and finally (and I’ll throw this in for free), do remember to
dress your age. We don’t have to advertise our age, nor do we have
to try to dress three decades younger than we actually are. My dear
grandmother used to have a saying I just loved, and she always said it
after we passed by some old gal in the store with a too-tight blouse
on, runs in her stockings, or blue jeans straining to keep a sagging
posterior shored up: “Good GRIEF—does the woman not own a
full-length mirror?”
So, sweet babies, listen to
the Diva—less whining, more shining. Beauty is work, but it’s the only kind that is worth the paycheck!
Go Ahead
Ask The Diva.......
Question
Dear Diva,
I want to ask your advice about my hair but I am
afraid. Your answers seem less than polite and I will only ask
my question if you can promise that you will be nice when you
reply. If you are willing to honor my request please let me know
and I will send you my question.
Very Politely,
Sasha
Answer
Dear Sweet Little Sasha,
The Diva is world famous for her sassy attitude and
cut-to-the-chase answers. For a more polite solution The Diva
strongly advises you to go with the kinder, more gentler, advice
of the lovely Miss Manners.
Do not defy The Diva on this one--it will make *all*
the difference on the politeness meter..
TaaaaTa
The Diva
Question
Dear Diva,
I suspect that my daily pig outs on Milk Duds, Pepsi
and nachos are stunting my hair growth dreams. I know that I
should resist my terminal snacking on hair killing foods but don't
have a clue what to do. Help!
Mary Munchie
Answer
Darling Mary,
While your growing addiction to foods and drinks
high in fat and sugar can definitely put a crimp in your hair growth
plans, it can also put a dent in your lovely pocketbook and cause
other longer term problems. Although you can train yourself to
select more "hair healthy" snacks like fruit and raw veggies
The Diva suspects that the true key to your motor mouth problems is
buried somewhere deep in your heart, mind or soul.
Lovely Mary, please ask yourself some deep questions
about who you are and what is going on in your life. Instead of
reaching inside a box of chocolaty duds, why not reach out to a
support group or a professional who can guide you to a better
way. You GO Girl. Be sure and write to me and tell me how it
all comes out for you!
Air Kisses,
The Diva
Well, babies, that’s it for now. The Diva wishes you all a
fabulous summer. Remember, healthy sun care for your hair is what you make it, and
whatever you do on the outside should only compliment what’s already
on the inside.
TaaaTaa
The Diva
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