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Always Take Time To Doll Yourself Up |
| Author: The Short Hair Diva |
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Date: August 2001 |
Introduction
So—you’re stuck at home with a toddler and a
new baby. You’re feeling well, distinctly NOT glamorous. Here’s a
little beauty tip that costs nothing but a little time and the
sacrifice of one of your kids’ toys (don’t worry—they’ll
forget it in time).
Take a couple of the kiddies’ more colorful
crayons, strip off the paper, and put them on a piece of tinfoil in
the sun. Let them get soft, and form them into cute bangle bracelets
and rings. Allow them to harden, then doll yourself up.
At the very least, your husband will notice. At
the very most, he’ll decide you need a vacation.
Even licensed professionals know when to ask for
help! Here are some cases in point:
Go Ahead
Ask The Diva.......Emails to the Diva
Question #1:
Spear Yourself
Dear Diva,
I just love your columns. My only complaint is that they are
not published more often.
Here is my hair trauma of the moment. I must find a way to
duplicate Brittany Spear's stunning blonde look. Do you think
that she wears real diamonds in her hair and do you think I can get
the look without the diamond sparklies? I am chewing my nails to
the bone trying to figure out how to look hot.
Love,
Mousy Blonde
Answer
Dear Mouse,
Oh Puullllleasssssseeeeeeeeee! Ms. Spear's
look is so over. Now the question is why you would want to ruin
any chance you may have for style and class to adopt such a tasteless
look?
If you really must ruin yourself to look like Ms.
Spears follow these steps:
A) Leave your jeans shorts in the dryer for the super shrink
cycle.
B) Jam your body into a baby tee.
C) Glop on tons and tons of black mascara.
D) Spray your hair with a light hairspray & then while the
spray is damp sprinkle on tons of white glitter.
Viola, you will have the trashy Tiffany look down
just fine without spending a dime on diamond baubles.
Don't worry babycakes, the guys will never notice
your hair once they check out the shorts.
Kiss Kiss
The Diva
PS. Get to a manicurist fast to stop the
nail biting thing. It distresses me to even think about it.
Question #2:
Too Much Of A Good Think
Dear Diva,
Please don't print my real name. I am
mortified by my recent walk on the hair dye side. I am a
normally sane 50 year old woman with lots of gray hair. I read
in the newspaper that if you want to cover tough gray hair that you
should use more than someone with softer gray strands. I thought
this through very carefully, at least I thought so. At any rate,
I bought and then used three complete hair color kits on my hair at
the same time. I glopped it on so thickly that I just knew it
would work.
The bad news is that absolutely nothing happened
to my hair. I feel really stupid since I figured that if 1 kit
was good and 2 was great that 3 would be fabulous.
What should I do now? Color just slides
right off my tough grays into the drain and it is obvious that my
thinking on this topic is way off.
Please help!
Your friend,
Soggy
Answer
Dear Soggy,
I hear you. Just like champagne and chocolates, too much of a
good hair dye is not necessarily a great thing.
Actually, your thinking was only half-baked. While it is
definitely true that gray hair, especially the tough type, needs a
thicker formula coverage, three hair color kits is way over the edge.
My friends, the expert hair color gurus, advised me that tough gray
hair must first be pre-softened to allow the color to be
absorbed.
Why not invest in a good hair colorist to get your gray colored the
way you like. After all, you will probably save money
considering how much you spent on your recent coloring extravaganza.
Remember a good colorist never reveals your true hair color, no
matter how much they are tortured.
Best of Luck!
The Diva
Question #3: A
Brush With A Mustache
Dear Diva,
My wife freaked out when I used her mascara to
apply a little darkening to my beautiful mustache. She got so
angry that she threw away the entire mascara kit and now I am really
in deep trouble because I have been hiding my gray with her eye
make-up.
Please help. How do I convince my wife that she
should share her cosmetics with me?
Bushy
Answer
Dear Bushy Boy,
You must have hit your head on the toilet or are suffering from
some other delusions of beauty? Share my mascara with a hair
mustache? I would rather rip off one of my perfectly jeweled
fingernails and toss the beautiful diamond tip down the toilet.
You are totally off base expecting your Missus to share her eye
makeup with your face. The best solution is to buy your
own.
In the meantime, try to make up with your lady before she figures
out how nuts you really are and sends you packing.
Kisses,
The Diva
Well, babies, that’s it for now. The Diva wishes you all happy
and heavenly short hair days.
TaaaTaa
The Diva
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