Ask Karen - September 2002

September 14, 2002
What Is Cocktailing?

Question

Dear Karen,

I recently visited a new stylist who gave me an awesome new shaggy look. My stylist used several brands while he worked on my hair. For example, he shampooed my hair with a Redken product. Then he used ARTec as a rinse out conditioner.He mixed Phytodefrisant and Phyto #7 together and applied it to my towel dried hair. He then use two different blow dryers and a shine product from Redken as well as Phytolaque Soie. When I asked him about what he was doing he said he was "cocktailing" products to get the best for my hair type which is naturally wavy and dry. He mentioned that he will even mix two different products together at the very same time and apply to hair to get different results.

OK. Well now I am lost. What products do I buy and what really is cocktailing?

Confused In Cleveland

Answer

Dear Confused,

Your stylist sounds very accomplished and knowledgeable about working with hair and many different products. Many stylists today utilize "cocktailing" of products to offer the best of breed products for hair they are styling.

Cocktailing means that a stylist or hairdresser will often create a custom blend or "cocktail of products" from different manufacturers to create the perfect product combo for the type and texture of hair that is being styled. This is why your stylist utilized a Redken shampoo, an ARTec conditioner and several of the Phyto styling products in conjunction with Redken shine products.

The accomplished hairstylist will never let specific brands limit their creativity or styling ability. They will select the best tools or products for the hair they are working with regardless of the manufacturer.

A great stylist, like a great artist, will break all the rules and use products as they see fit regardless of how they are marketed or designed.

Best wishes,

Karen

September 6, 2002
Morning Hair Horrors?

Question

Dear Karen,

When I wake up in the morning I am always a frenzied mess because I don’t want my boyfriend to see my hair.I rush into the shower where I hide out until my hair is presentable. Although I have explained my embarrassment at my bad hair to my guy, he seems hurt that I don’t want to hang out with him when we first wake-up.Any ideas what I should do to fix this problem?

Thanks.

Melody

Answer

Dear Melody

Although I genuinely sympathize with you, I also suspect that your sweetie would much rather enjoy morning cuddles with you and your pillowhead than watch your disappear into a cloud of shampoo.

If you really can’t bring yourself to expose your electric socket morning locks to your guy, put your hair in a bun or ponytail before you go to sleep to anchor crazy locks.Braids are other great options.

Don’t forget that true love is blind and conquers all sorts of morning horrors from morning mouth to spikey hair horrors.

Best wishes,

Karen

September 5, 2002
Boyfriend Pulls Hair?

Question

Dear Karen,

I am madly in love with my dream guy.Unfortunately he has this terrible habit of playing with my long hair. The problem is that he pulls my hair and it not only gets all tangled, it hurts sometimes. I have gently asked him to stop but he tells me that one of the things he loves most about me is my hair.I have considered getting my hair cut very short to end the problem but worry that I will lose him in the process.I know this is a strange question but if you have any suggestions I would appreciate them so much.

Thanks.

Meggan

Answer

Dear Meggan

Rule number one is to be totally true to your own wants and needs. If you love your long hair but hate the constant hair pawing by your sweetie, then keep your locks and consider ditching your handsy guy.So what’s up with him not listening to or respecting your clear wishes?

One possible compromise that might allow you to keep your guy along with tangle free, painless strands is to agree upon some mutually enjoyable hair pampering rituals.Consider letting your love brush your hair every night before you go to bed. Or maybe you wouldn’t object to a weekly hot oil scalp massage that allows him to get his fingers into your locks without pulling too hard. Other options include letting him braid your hair or give you a seductive shampoo on a regular basis.

Have a heart to heart talk and explain your current cuticle distress. Ask him to work with you to find mutually satisfying hair activities.Be open to his ideas and suggestions.

If he balks or pouts show him the door and realize that your lovely long strands will love you for it.

Best wishes,

Karen

September 4, 2002
Note From You?

Question

Dear Karen,

I have been a faithful shopper in your Marketplace for the past year. I love the Phyto products and the pricing and how fast my package always arrives. I am curious about one thing. I always notice a hand written note on my invoices that are usually signed by Karen Shelton or Karen. Could you possibly be the same Karen? If so, I am surprised that you would take the time to sign my invoices my hand although I do appreciate it. Thank you for a wonderful site.

Mrs. Grayson

Answer

Dear Mrs. Grayson,

Yes, those handwritten notes on your invoices are in my sloppy penmanship. Sometimes Karen comes out like "Kren" or other wide looped signatures that are a derivative of Karen. But yes, it is me that personally signs about 99% of the time.

I have been signing most of the invoices every day since almost the beginning of our Marketplace some years ago. After all, if you and our other HairBoutique.com customers can take the time to shop and buy products from us I feel that it is only right for me or some other HairBoutique.com team member to take the time to write a personal thank you note to each and every customer.

Hairboutique.com is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. We sometimes unintentially make mistakes and goofs but we do try very hard to offer quick, efficient, customer focused service. We appreciate each and every customer, like you, that takes the time to visit our e-store.

Thank you for your kind note and question.

Best wishes,

Karen

September 2, 2002
Need A Hair Miracle

Question

Dear Karen,

I am 41, and in that dreaded menopause...I had beautiful hair down to my waist until the last 4 years...Now I have continuously cut it thinking that it would help and it is worse.

I have frosted my hair for 22 years never with any problems until menopause. I do not take hormone replacement, it makes me crazier......But I do take herb replacement. I NEED HELP. Everyone is asking me what happened to my hair. So not only am I trying to deal with the changes in my body-my hair is also an issue.

My hair is a little below my shoulders, but won't hang properly due to the thinning (especially in the humidity). I have tried many products my hairdresser recommended. I sleep in conditioner. I spray it with leave-in and so on.

Can you please help me! I don't want to grow old gracefully. I want to fight it all the way. I need a miracle. I have been praying but so far nothing. I have bought an artificial ponytail in the meantime and that makes it somewhat better.

Thanks in advance.

Waiting For A Miracle In Mississippi,

Robin

Answer

Dear Robin,

Yes, growing older can be a bitch sometimes. The good news is that there are many options available to you to help you deal with your current hair challenges. In essence with some right steps you can craft your own hair miracles.

Great hair, no matter what age, is one part good attitude, one part genes and one part great styling advice and products.While you may not be able to change your genes at this point, a great attitude, good products and good advice can help you overcome this fork in the hair road.

Society has changed with the the Baby Boomers. Many are throwing caution to the wind and not worrying about thinning or gray hair or wrinkles. Actress Jamie Lee Curtis recently posed for More magazine to prove that she feels beautiful in her 40s with thinner hair, salt and pepper roots and wrinkles. Many people in their 40s, 50s and above are comfortable in their own skin and support others who do the same.

Consider taking a little time to reflect on who you are at this stage in your life and clarify what you really value.Celebrate who you are and the wonderful things in your life.Consider that when one door closes in life another opens.Challenges always lead to new opportunities.

In your current situation with your hair if you really want to effect changes you are going to have to be proactive. A change will not happen overnight without some investigation and legwork on your part. Are you still willing to make your own miracle? Then consider these steps:

1. Seek advice for your thinning hair from your chosen health practioner or practioners as well as your hair and beauty advisors.

It is possible that your current hair thinning can be due to a combination of factors including hormone imbalances, thyroid malfunction, nutritional deficiencies or other medical issues.Have a complete physical work-up that includes testing of your hormone levels, your thyroid and your overall physical condition.

2. Consult with a nutritional expert.

Are you eating a good nutritional diet, getting enough sleep and drinking enough liquids to support your hair? Are you supplementing with vitamins and herbs that are right for your body's needs at this point in your life?

If you are taking herbs it is possible that you may not have the right formula or balance that is best for you. The same can be said for any vitamin or mineral program you are following. As we age our bodies require different type of nutrients from a variety of sources. A good vitamin program is definitely necessary to grow healthy hair and skin. This is even more true the older we become since our bodies may require extra support.

3. Consider alternative hormonal solutions.

Although traditional hormones may not work for you, there are many alternatives that can make a difference. Many women have had great success with alternative forms of hormones sold at health food stores. Life-Flo Products sold through many health food establishments and on the web offer all natural progesterone and estrogen creams that can help balance hormones.

It is possible that your thinning can be due to a combination of factors from hormone imbalances, thyroid malfunction, nutritional deficiencies or other medical issues.

Of course it may be that your genes contain a family history towards age related hair loss. If this true for you then external solutions will work best. This includes looking at hair extensions, wigs and products that will fatten your locks.

4. Evaluate hair extension options.

Many people have great success with "spot hair extensions" designed to add thickness and fullness in thinning areas. All natural human hair extensions are a wonderful option because they can be dyed and cut to match your current hair color and style. Clip-on ponytails, like you have recently purchased, are a great fun way to enjoy the benefits of longer hair with your hair loss challenges. Wigs are another option.They have come a long way from the early days and are lightweight and can be amazing close to real human hair.

5. Work with your stylist to find a great new style.

A great stylist can help you select a style that enhances your hair and gives it more fullness and movement. Make a consultation with your stylist and discuss your options. Don't agree to make any changes but take the time to think about what your stylist suggested.

6. Evaluate the range of hair loss products on the market.

Many hair care products are designed specifically to help with hair loss issues. Phytologie makes a series of hair care related products designed not only to address hair loss issues but to help camouflage the thinning hair. They offer a special vitamin program for thinning hair as does Viviscal.

Some of Phytologie's hair loss and strengthening products include:

Phytotherathrie - Phytocyane Treatment - Phytocyane revitalizing treatment addresses female temporary hair loss from pregnancy, stress, diet or menopause. Grape seed extract & gingko biloba protect & revitalize hair. Clinical efficacy testing showed 83% positive results. Delays grey hair onset.

Phytotherathrie - Phytocyane Shampoo

A combination of plant-based active ingredients restores vitality of the hair by encouraging blood flow to the hair bulb & promoting hair growth. A mild cleansing base derived from Coconut oil makes Phytocyane shampoo effective, gentle & pleasant.

Phytotherathrie - Phytoaxil Treatment

With 2 patented botanical active principles, Phytoaxil helps combat the process of thinning hair, due to accelerated aging, by acting both on the hair bulb & surrounding area. Exclusively formulated w/ natural active principles & proven to help hair grow.

Phytotherathrie - Phytoaxil Energizing Shampoo

This shampoo is a great energizing cocktail for all hair types as well as an ideal supplement to Phytoaxil Fortifying Intensive Care. In association w/ a Ginseng extract & Zinc, it fortifies the scalp & invigorates the hair. 3.3 oz

Phytotherathrie - Phytopolleine Scalp Treatment is a 100% botanical scalp treatment for weak, anemic slightly thinning hair and dry or oily scalp. Essential oils cleanse purify and balance the scalp which stimulates the hair bulb. This is a must product for regular maintenance that promotes the health of the scalp.

7. Consider temporary volume enhancers

Finally, there are wonderful volume enhancing products that allow you to shampoo in fullness and follow with gels and volume enhancer formulas that will help. Matrix Amplify and Vavoom are both great lines with many options for volume enhancement.Phytotherathrie offers two volume enhancing shampoos and a their wonderful Phytovolume Actif that is the favorite hair fattener of many well-know celebrities.

Simple things like using cool/cold water as your final rinse and drying your hair bent over at the roots will help add fullness. Hair color applied strategically will also swell the hair shaft making it appear fuller.

Hang in there and embrace your new hair journey.

Best wishes,

Karen

Question

Dear Karen,

OK. I am a teen and I hate that it takes me almost 2 hours to get ready and it is all because of my hair!. I usually take my shower at night so it will only take one hour in the morning. This is my problem. I have very long wavy, thick, frizzy, dark hair. It's the worst!

I do the whole gel after the shower thing. Then I blow dry with a round brush (or flat brush) straight. Then in the mornings I use a straightener on it.

I barely have time for makeup and picking out clothes. It is all my hair! I want to get it cut but I am so scared cause when I was like 5 I had really curly hair and my got it all cut off and it came back like THIS!.

So if I get it cut I believe it will be so bad cause the only reason that it is even a little straight and sometimes not frizzy is cause the weight of my hair holds it down. So do you have any way to help me?

Anything is good for me!. I just don't know what to do with it besides putting it into a ponytail.Even then it is just frizz. Well thanks.

Sarah

Answer

Dear Sarah,

I hear you. Having lots of hair can definitely be time consuming.

While you’re right longer hair helps weigh down hair waves, you do have several options. A possible long term solution is to consider having your hair relaxed. There are many wonderful at-home salon quality products like Phytologie's Phytospecific relaxers that are all natural. They will soften and relax your hair so that it is much easier to style.The relaxed cuticles will also compress the size of your hair and help prevent frizz.

If you don’t feel comfortable relaxing at home, talk to your stylist about similar options at the salon.You are right to be concerned about cutting your hair too short. Selecting a slightly shorter, well crafted style, that thins and shapes your thick hair will definitely keep your waves under control but help to speed up your daily styling tasks.

Prevent haircut trauma by taking your time to find a stylist that you really trust. Select a hair expert that will really listen to your hair desires and needs. Once you find such a pay for a pre-cut consultation only.Avoid allowing the stylist to work on your hair during the consultation. Be sure to take some photos of styles you might like and discuss your styling nightmares and new style concerns.Wait at least 48 hours before you act on suggestions from the consultation.

Bust daily frizz with shampoo formulas designed to add moisture to your hair. ARTec Smoothing, Phytojojoba and Aveda Shampure are wonderful products for combating frizz. Always use a rinse-out conditioner and finish with a cool rinse to seal your hair cuticle.

Add back weekly moisture with a deep conditioning treatment.Phyokarite and Aveda Curressence will help soften and defrizz even the most parched hair.

Braiding your hair in a simple three strand braid while damp will also look smashing and eliminate morning hair fuzz.Ballernina buns are the hottest rage and only require a few rotations of a ponytail and a handful of bobby pins.Practice on the weekends to create some new styles that you enjoy and are quick and easy.

Other options include drying your hair the night before school and then sleeping in soft or rag curlers overnight to skip the styling steps in the morning. Wake up to soft frizz-free curls and waves and ditch your morning styling rituals.

Best wishes,

Karen

Question

Dear Karen,

I have short, thick and wavy hair. I have tried straighteners, gels and hair sprays, but nothing seems to straighten my wavy hair. Can you recommend something that may help me achieve the look I want. I want something along the lines of a punky spiked out fashion.

Thank you.

Kelly

Answer

Dear Kelly,

Run, don't walk to a hairstylist that you trust. Arrange to pay them for some of their time for a consultation ONLY. Bring a list of the products that you have tried without success. Also bring some samples of punky styles that you would enjoy wearing. Keep in mind that your hair may require special cutting and chemical treatments to prepare it for the type of styles that you desire.

Can you achieve the look that you desire? Anything is possible but be open to the suggestions of your stylist and weigh the commitment you will need to make in terms of salon visits and/or styling time and products

Best wishes to you,

Karen

Question

Dear Karen,

Over the past years, I developed a nervous habit that has created major damage to my hair. It started a while back and I tried to prevent it but I still do it till this very day.

Every time I'm nervous or I'm bored, I start to divide my bangs in the middle and start pulling at them. I didn't know it was really becoming a habit when people started mentioning to me that it was getting thin in the middle.

I had gotten really scared so I tried all sorts of methods like, parting it to the side, of just pulling it back, but none of it really works. I asked my stylist what I should do about it and she said that I should just leave it alone. But I don't think that would actually work.

What should I do?

Do you think there could be a product that could rebuild the damage I've done or should I just do what my stylist says. If you could help me with this bad habit/problem that would be great.

Shawny

Answer

Dear Sarah,

You are not alone with this problem. According to Dr. Howard Rosenthal, Ed.D, famous author of the best selling book, Encyclopedia Of Counseling, “it is estimated that more than 8 million Americans currently suffer from a form of compulsive hair pulling known as Trichotillomania (pronounced trick-o-till-o-mania).

It is now believed females suffer more from trichotillomania (TTM) than males. Coined by a French dermatologist in 1889, the term described individuals who suffer from a "dis-tressing condition.” The word is derived from the Greek words thrix (hair) and tillein (to pull) and mania (madness).

Although TTM involves a compulsive pulling, and sometimes eating, of hair from the scalp, and other parts of the body, it really is not about the individual’s hair or how they feel about it. As Dr. Rosenthal explained, while sufferers often insist “that they feel a sense of gratification after pulling out their hair”, most people who suffer from this behavior are usually not specifically upset with the condition or appearance of their hair.

Will products help? Not really. You can try to have your hair styled to camoflauge the thinned out areas or you can consider spot hair extensions that are designed to fill in areas of thinning hair. Your challenges are to deal with the internal issues that cause you to pull your hair out in the first place.

Most current experts on TTM recommend a multi-modal approach to treatment including behavior modification, hypnosis, and nutritional therapy, which Dr. Rosenthal successfully utilized for treatment of his first patient many years ago.Some therapists also log success with alternative health treatments such as acupuncture, body work, rolfing, herbs and related therapies. Yes, there are also prescription drug remedies but many experts believe that they may not be as effective long term as the behavior modification approach.

There are many support groups on the web that will help you learn to cope with your hair pulling issues. For more information check out the Trichotillomania Learning Center (TLC). The Trichotillomania Learning Center (TLC) is located at 1215 Mission St., Suite 2, Santa Cruz, CA 95060, (408)457-1004. Founded in 1991 by a sufferer of TTM, TLC has responded to over 50,000 inquiries about trichotillomania with up-to-date information

Best wishes,

Karen

September 1, 2002
Society Do Did Me In?

Question

Dear Karen,

I have read all of your columns and have never seen this problem before. I was at a society type of party recently and went a bit crazy on the champagne on an empty stomach. I wound up tripping, falling down and ripping my very expensive wig off my head for all to see. Luckily I was too "happy" to feel the pain of embarrassment and just plopped the wig back on. But now I find that people are still talking about my unfortunate experience behind my back several weeks later.

I am not sure what to do and wonder if I owe anyone an explanation about the wig. I know that many of my friends had no idea that I suffer from an advance form of alopecia.Should I keep quiet and hope it all will blow over or should I out my hair loss problem and explain the wig? If I do talk about it, who should I trust to tell?

Please help.

Thanks.

Morganna

Answer

Dear Morganna,

How awful for you. Embarrassing situations are always a challenge to overcome with grace and beauty. Although I am sure you felt bad at the time and are uncomfortable with the current gossipmongers, it is admirable that you are taking the time to ponder a good solution rather than acting without forethought.

The people who are your true friends and really care about you will understand that everyone has unfortunate situations in life. They will still love you for you and will let it pass. People who enjoy celebrating in the misfortunes of others, will do so, no matter what you say or do to try to erase it. So let the tongues wag since people are people and they will talk.

Why not keep mum about the champagne incident and maintain a low profile until new fodder captures the fancy of the gossips. And trust me, it will. Someday you might even be able to look back and laugh about your experience. Until then, remember that this too shall pass.

Should you talk about your hair loss issues? I would suggest that you talk about it only if you really feel that you must bare your soul or need to share to get support. Who should you tell? Although it is probably best to only share your hairloss challenges with your family and close friends, if you feel OK talking about it to everyone, then do so.

If you listen to your heart and follow your conscience you can never go wrong.

Best wishes,

Karen

By submitting your question, you grant full permission to HairBoutique.com to publish it. Due to the volume of mail we receive, Karen regrets that she cannot respond to every question personally. To AskKaren questions please read Before You Contact Us Tips and then send send e-mail to: askkaren@hairboutique.com.