Several of you out there have been nice enough to take time out of your busy lives to drop me a line to ask a question, pass along some news, or give me feedback on the column.  I greatly appreciate those emails because it let's me know that I'm entertaining someone other than myself (Wow.  Actual sincerity.  Somebody make a note of that).  Anyway, I've decided that if I get an email during the month that I figure you'd find particularly interesting, I'll include it in the column.  Much like the Scoop and Fleature sections, this one will come and go, depending on whether or not anything particularly entertaining or engaging landed in the ol' Fleamailbox during the month.

This month's first letter is actually an exchange that I had with the sender when I got included in a badly researched mass mailing.  We begin with the invitation (with the names and other info obscured to protect the innocent)...
 

~The Latest Advances In Spray Technology~, a five-day short course sponsored by the Spray Systems Technology Center at A Major University, will be held from May 15-19, 2000 in Pittsburgh, PA

This five day short course will give participants the opportunity to study the latest advances in atomization and spray technology through an intensive, in-depth series of lectures and laboratory classes.  The course is taught by leading authorities in these fields.

The course will consist of four days of lectures and one day of hands-on laboratory class.  Participants will receive the most up-to-date information and hands-on experience with state-of-the-art instrumentation.  Each type of instrument will be on display with an expert instructor who will teach the participant how to align, calibrate, test and measure with each type of instrument.  Participants will have the opportunity to discuss their particular instrumentation needs and interests with the experts.

For further information, contact:

Dr. Norman C, Director
Spray Systems Technology Center
A Major University
PHONE: 412-###-####
FAX: 412-###-####
EMAIL: cxxx@xxx.edu

Hi Dr. C,

Though I'm sure the 5 day session on spray technology and atomization would greatly enhance my insight into the physics and mechanics of liquid and gas dispersal (especially via the hands-on session), I believe that I may not be part of the target audience to which your invitation was intended.  You see, I write a monthly column called "JerkyFlea's Celebrity Hair Spray" that chronicles and reviews the changes in celebrity hairstyles.  I'm guessing that the "spray" in the title of the column somehow caused my email address to get caught in the net you tossed out on the internet looking for potential attendees.

So, though I'm intrigued by educational opportunity, I think that I'll decline this particular course.

Thanks again,
JerkyFlea

Dear Jerky (May I call you 'Jerky' ?)

I appreciate your response to our misplaced advertising.  In this case a student was asked to contact the appropriate websites...another 'misplaced' idea apparently.

Our 5-day revel of dancing, dining, free liquor and wild sex does have it's appeal to a certain audience, but then you know how trivial academians can be.

Again, thank you for keeping us informed.
 

Kate McC for Norman C

Hi Kate,

No problem on the errant invitation.  However, if I had known the true nature of the gathering, I probably wouldn't have been quite so quick to decline.  In fact, for future reference, I'd suggest putting the "free liquor and wild sex" in the subject line of the message.  I believe that you'd experience a definite spike in registration.

And some of the attendees may even be interested in spray technology. =)

Have a great day,
JF

We find that when we use your suggested header, we get all the riff raff. One has to draw the line somewhere, you'll agree.

k

You point is well taken.  You would definitely prefer attendees who's interest in spray technology and atomization isn't limited to the dispersal pattern generated by malt-based beverages when their aluminum container is impaled with a sharpened rod of some type.

Not to say that the investigation of that particular subject isn't an enjoyable diversion...

You are a perceptive, as well as discerning individual and I wish you good luck in your spraying adventures.

KM

My thanks to Kate and the fact that she had a sense of humor about the whole thing.  Thinking about it now though, that hands-on session would be pretty cool...

I also received some feedback on my list of The Summer 1999 Best Hair On TV, though not as much as I expected.  Very few people took me to task for my rankings, but I did get a few letters on people I left off.  Of those named, the overwhelming majority of the votes went to VANESSA MARCIL and her lovely long, thick, dark hair.  Given my well-known affinity for brunettes, you're probably wondering how I could have possibly overlooked her.  I actually have an excellent reason.

I forgot about her. 

Seriously.

Believe it or not, somehow I completely blanked on the fact that she had joined the cast of "Beverly Hills: 90210" this season.  Had I remembered, she would have definitely been included somewhere, either on the actual list (though I can't think of who I'd bump off the top of my head) or in "others receiving votes".  My most sincere apologies, Vanessa, and I hope you'll forgive me.

Stop giggling.  Do you know for sure she's NOT reading this?  Didn't think so.

And finally, I received quite the in-depth letter from Andy that thoroughly and entertainingly reviewed the entire column picture by picture and gave me a detailed insight into his own hairstyle preferences (curly, layered with bangs =  perfect haircut).  Though too long to recount in its entirety here,  I can't resist quoting his opinions a couple of things.

First, the standard issue Lilith Fair pixie haircut that I mentioned last month:

Note to Sarah McLaghlan:  You led the whole freakin' Lilith Fair crew into this hair wilderness, you lead 'em out.  I always flash back to a Saturday Night Live sketch, maybe 10 years old, featuring a support group for people with horrible haircuts consoling each other.  Those horrible cuts that are all spiky and uneven, the "caught-like-a-deer-in-the-Flowbie" cuts.  Those cuts ARE the styles of today.  Yikes.

Second, on CALISTA FLOCKHART: 

Note to Ally McBeal - I agree with everyone on the planet that your hair this season has looked dirty, bland, too long, and the straight-no-bangs style certainly doesn't make your face look any less gaunt or frog-like.  Please, pick someone with layers and bangs out of a magazine and bring the picture to the stylist, quick!

And I don't want anyone ever saying that I am too mean again.

Oh, and if you get the urge to clutter up my mailbox, then just fire your missive off to JerkyFlea@HairBoutique.com. 
 

Vanessa Marcil picture courtesy FOX